#15

Uninspired infinitely unknowing. A heart leaps, a stomach churns, a brain swims, an eye waters. The certainty is that there is no certainty. Waiting, the end result is unknown, only two choices. It's scary, sad, how fast things can go bad. If it were known from the start, the end, would you still have continued? I think I would have, even if the end is hurt. The good times were there, passion, love. Faded like a book left in the sun too long.

I'll be here, but please don't leave me waiting too long.

#14

What is supposed to happen will. Let it be, let it be. I want to know though the second you're over me.

#13

Spiraling downwards, into an unknown, walls stop me. It's difficult, I'm scared. I wish there were a door.

#12

Flying through, zoning out. Low, lower, low. It's not coming down, it's coming around. I've taken my share, more than most could say. Karma works both ways. No patronization needed. They say time moves one way, one speed, one time. I disagree. Even if it's only in your head, if you believe it, it's true.

Make things. Do them fast. Do them right, but please fast. Patience is hard to grasp. Harder to put into action. If love is all you need, then I have everything.

#11

If you feel something say it, you never know if you'll get the chance again. Life is so fragile. Everything is fragile in it's own form. If you feel something isn't right, don't keep it going. You're only prolonging things. Everyone wants to be happy, sometimes you have to sacrifice anothers for yours. It's sad, but sometimes you have to look out for yourself. You need to be happy before you worry about others happiness.

#10

Change your routine, go for a bike ride, read a book. Make life interesting. Technology is far too consuming. Don't let it be your life.

#9

Time is irrelevant, what matters is feelings. There are no predetermined units of measurement each feeling should take to form and last. I don't like being angry or upset. I quell them because frankly life is too short to be in a bad mood.

The air is the fall air. The season may be summer, but it's merely a clever disguise. I've been through 20 autumns. I have a feeling this will be the best. The air is already crisp, and my mind is already floating. The dreams I've been having are amazing.

I wish this were forever.

#8

I have dreams of us on a beautiful beach. Some far off land, maybe not on this world. We lay all day, no worries ever. We can be with each other forever. Never sick, never tired, never cold, never hot, never bored.

Our utopia.

Behind it is a beautiful log cabin. A shallow stream passing behind leading to a small waterfall into a pond. The pond is ours, no one will know of it. There we can lay on the soft moss and listen to our hearts beat in unison. Nothing needs to be said, such a connection allows us to just feel.

A mountain range is in the distance, not too talk though. Beautiful wooded mountains with fawn and deer running freely. Birds chirping off in the distance, the woods abundant with life.

This is what I dream for us.

#7

It's been, going to be, a while. I'm not sure where it stands at this point. I'm 1/3rd done or so. I can't quite figure out why the font insists on changing on me. I'm feeling better physically, thank medicine. You may think thank god sounds better there, I don't. God didn't really have anything to do with me getting better, my immune system and drugs did.

I've fallen, flown, floated, I can't decide, maybe I'm not in charge. If I'm not, then whomever is please take good care of me. I like to think what other people would think in certain situations. I'm not very good at it though.

The last thing I have to say today is that it's a lot harder to not care than it is to care. Once you can stop caring so much though you'll feel better.

#Beatles

I just wanted everyone to be aware that The Beatles have had all of their albums redone in stereo and mono versions. The mono aren't sold separately, but some/most of the stereo are. Go pick up at least one, they have been redone beautifully. I personally recommend Abbey Road =)

#6

If you come across a small alcove in the middle of a nowhere town, next to baseball fields, next to an uncharted ocean with little beach, next to a small amusement park, all of which I think Regis and Kelly own, go in there. There will be a rope hanging from the ceiling. If you swing into the dark, you'll end up somewhere else. The exact same place but different. Everyone will dislike you for some reason, but it's ok you'll somehow be able to take them in a fight if you choose. There will be a leviathan in the distance eating up miniature jeeps that are on a kiddie roller coaster track. You'll never go back though, and it's a much darker place. I'm not sure what I would decide, but I know what I did choose. Sometimes you have no choice.

#5

I'll take it if it's given to me, but that doesn't mean I want it. I'll appreciate the thought, but don't bring it up every time you see me. Uncertainty is in the air, it's never good. In 6 hours I have something great planned. I just hope it doesn't backfire in any way.

I couldn't sleep last night. I hope I can tonight.

#4

Sometimes things just work. If they don't then you're usually disappointed. Rightfully so. I think that, though, maybe we should just have been happy to have had the chance. I guess it's better to look at things that way and be happy than wallow in doubt/sorrow. I can't really follow my own advice to be honest, but I'm going to try next time.

Honestly, I'm embarrassed by what I write and don't want anyone to read it. Then there's a small part of me that says, "It'd be cool if someone read this and actually enjoyed it." Always that self-doubt about anything. I could say I don't care, but honestly this is something I somewhat care about. Most of it is just random thoughts that occur as I'm typing, but sometimes it's something I've been working on.

No one wants to be a failure.

#3

I've come upon this by luck, no wait, maybe it was fated. I'm floating in the atmosphere, I don't want to come down. Enveloped, angels fly around me singing sweet songs. If I ever come down, I will find a way back, this I swear. Time isn't important, nothing really is, the only thing important is joy. Happiness. Love. I'm sorry if you don't believe me, no I'm not. I pity you though. It's time to come down, maybe not now, but eventually. Who knows when it's not important? I'm swelling with joy, exuberant. Life doesn't get much better, if this is life. If not, let me just stay here for a little while longer, I hope you don't mind.

#2

Vague memories persist much like a distant dream
Elusive, yet there in some way
The memories erupt inside me
But they are too hazy, much to my dismay.

I'll try to forget, maybe I want to remember?
I'm not sure, somewhat bittersweet
Times when we were all together
Pulled apart by some unknown feat.

The autumn air has brought an amazing feeling in me. It's hands down my favorite season, the colors are brilliant, the air is crisp, and it brings back some great, and bad, memories. I can't wait to get dressed up for Halloween. I want to lay outside and drift off.

#1

First off, I want you to be aware that I am not here to amuse you. These are merely random thoughts I have that I've decided to put here. If you don't like it, that's fine, the blog will continue without you. If you enjoy it, or take something from anything here, then I'm glad I helped you in some way.

This particular grouping of words and punctuation marks is something I wrote not too long ago:

Take this, no maybe don't. You can have it if you want. I'm done with this, maybe you'll want them. Maybe not. Nothing is full of certainty. In fact nothing has any certainty, not even a fact. In 1,000 years everything you know as a fact will be false. How's that for certainty?

The only things that are real are what you truly believe. If you can't trust in in, then let it go. Why, why? Why waste the time and effort. It's never worth it. Never. It's always what you can't have. You can't have it, don't waste your time. Feelings are worse, you can't take a vicodin to relieve the pain. It's something that won't go away.

You may have been put here for a reason, but I swear to god that whatever it is, you won't like it or understand it, because nothing is what you will expect. Anything you expect will be shattered and crushed up like a fucking line for a coke head and be gone in an instant. Let it all fucking go. Listen to no one. Listen to yourself. If it feels good, even if for a moment, then by fucking god it's good.

You determine your "fate." You determine everything. Try it.